Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
BRING THE BAGELS
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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