You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it glows. i had to have it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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