your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
