i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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