I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
now i know why i became what i already was.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
