i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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