xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
