his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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