They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
