its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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The beer is more important than you right now.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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