My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we're so committed to being not committed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
