why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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