I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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