I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
