The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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