Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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