my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
