Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You can't just leave with hair like that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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