I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
