Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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