My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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