I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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