just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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