just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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