im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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