Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How does one acquire holy water?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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