normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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