; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
