when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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