I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
