Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
