Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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