tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
