Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
