I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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