Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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