3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
