You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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