Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
