he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
