nutella sex= disaster
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
