My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
