will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
