after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
