just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
