remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
