how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
