I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
