also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
