just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
