I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
