just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
