too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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