You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
