trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
