THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
