break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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