i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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