Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
