I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
