I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
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Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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