strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think your dad took our porno
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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