good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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